Bizarre
by The Angry American
Summary: During a romantic Saturday dinner, Monty has some shocking news for Vanessa that even she didn't expect. How will she take it? Rated T just to be safe, but the story and conclusion is very unexpected and random.


**"Bizarre"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Monty Monogram, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz or any character from "Phineas and Ferb". "Phineas and Ferb is owned by Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh. This is a little Monty/Vanessa drabble I came up with a minute ago.**

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It was Saturday Night inside the establishment of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. For both Monty Monogram and Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, it was date night.

They were already dressed formally for the occasion. Monty was in his usual tuxedo and Vanessa was decked out in a sparkly beautiful red dress that showed a lot of leg. But seeing that every five-star restaurant in Danville was packed full, Monty decided to get some chinese takeout as an easier option since Vanessa was such a godawful cook. Sure, the food itself wasn't five-star material, but that hardly mattered to both of them, since chinese food was a better option than five-star cuisine.

Luckily for Vanessa, her father was out of town for a little while since he had to pick up some scrappy metal parts at the junkyard to use for one of his evil experiments. That gave excellent time for her and Monty to share some quality time.

But since they were still dressed formally, Monty still wanted this little five-star experience to happen for both of them. He managed to get a nice bedsheet from Heinz's room and covered the table as if it looked like a table cloth in one of those fancy restaurants. Monty then poured out the orange chicken and chow mein on both of their plates. Add a bit of candlelight and some soft music and their evening was complete as it is.

Knowing that Vanessa couldn't contain her appetite much longer, she decided to dig in. For someone quite beautiful and glamorous in a gothic kind of way, Vanessa sure ate like a savage. Sure, Monty felt a bit bothered by her, but she was Vanessa after all, and who was he to complain?

Their conversation was a bit brief to say the least.

"Well, you definitely had a big appetite..." Monty chuckled nervously, playing with the chow mein for a few brief seconds.

"Sorry if it bothers you and such, but I can be such a hog when it comes to orange chicken." Vanessa chuckled as well.

"You sure can..." He muttered.

Monty sighed a bit. This conversation with Vanessa wasn't going the way he'd actually hoped. But with Monty rubbing his neck and itching down on his leg, something was definitely on his mind.

But should he actually tell it in front of Vanessa right now? Maybe he should give it a little more time. Right now, he decided to keep on with this bland conversation.

"Hey Vanessa, can you pass me the salt?" Monty said.

"Why on earth do you want salt? The chow mein tastes good as it is." Vanessa replied with her mouth full.

"Sometimes, I like to double salt my chow mein so that it's gives it an extra tangy feeling." Monty assured her.

"Okay, if you say so..."

Not having to hear Monty complain, even though he didn't, Vanessa decided to hand her boyfriend the salt. With the salt in hand, he poured the salty powder around his noodles. But yet, it was nothing but an excuse to not tell Vanessa his big news.

Monty knew he couldn't stall longer. The nerves got to him like he was being suffocated inside a casket. Or when someone's about to spook him from behind (which he hated). The voices in Monty's head were telling him to spill out his little secret. So far, the distant irritating voices were already beating Monty to the punch.

Not having to waste time anymore, Monty finally decided to reveal his big news to Vanessa...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"I GOT CRABS!" Monty shouted out randomly.

"Get out." Vanessa scowled at him, being offended by Monty's statement.

"Why? I thought you'd be excited by this big news!" Monty exclaimed, trying to give out light to this little tale.

But unfortunately, he didn't get the chance. In response...

...Vanessa threw Monty out of Doofenshmirtz's little laboratory, alongside the plate of chow mein that he ordered for her! The plate broke through Monty's noggin painfully as the second generation Monogram held out his forehead in pain. In the process, Monty yelled out to the door.

"OWWWWW!" Monty shouted, "WAS IT BECAUSE I FORGOT TO WEAR A CONDOM?!"

Vanessa didn't want to hear Monty's tale any further. Because of this embarassing news...

...Vanessa crawled up inside a shower and hugged her knees in fear. She was shaking and trembling in fear as well. Out of all people, she never believed that Monty had some sort of venereal disease, all because they did more than makeout! Vanessa felt so sick that she wanted to puke.

"The horror... THE HORROR! THE BRUTAL SEAFOOD-TRODDEN HORROR!" Vanessa whispered and shouted in fear.

Vanessa laid like a basketball for a good portion of the night, hoping the images of her crab-ridden boyfriend would disappear. It didn't.

Talk about bizarre.

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**Well, that was very unexpected. I know I'm a huge Monty/Vanessa fan, but I figured that a big twist would bring in the reactions out of people.**

**Anyway, what did you think? Did it make you sick? Did it make you speechless? Anyway, you know what to do from here! (;D)**


End file.
